Parents

I was one of the few kids I knew growing up who had parents who were still married. That doesn’t mean they had a particularly happy marriage, or should have stayed married, but they were, and it always seemed to be a source of pride for them. They might have been the most screwed up couple on the block, but hey, they were still married. That had to count for something, right?
I’ve often wondered over the years why they stayed married. They clearly made eachother miserable. Or at the very best, weren’t very compatible. But they had this "moral code" they wanted to live by; ( If you get married, it’s forever- it’s an oath before God, and it’s wrong to divorce.) In reality, it was like they had an idea in their heads of how they wanted to live their lives, but didn’t quite have the maturity, character or self-discipline to actually follow through. But if they stayed married, at least they could cling to that. It was the most visible example of how they lived their lives. They could appear to be living life a certain way, when in reality, they weren’t. They also used the whole "we have to stay married for the kids" excuse. I call it an excuse because that’s all it really is. It’s an easy way to justify doing nothing to change a situation that they don’t really want to put the effort into changing. People who say they are staying together for their children are really staying together REGARDLESS of their children. They are being selfish while trying to appear selfless. It’s self-deception, pure and simple. There were many many times growing up that I wished they would just get divorced already. Anyone who thinks it’s better for kids to stay together no matter what is completely wrong. Kids see right through it. Kids want peace and stability in their homes, and yes, parents who are happy, or at least positive. If that can only happen by the parents being separate, so be it. I’ve yet to meet someone who said "yeah, my parents fought like cats and dogs while I was growing up. They were yelling all the time, and we had no stability whatsoever, but I’m so thankful because at least they were together!". Duh.
Anyway, my parents are now separated. Of course, as is the status quo for our family, it took a major crisis for a change to happen. But it’s a good change. My parents were worried about how we were all going to take it, which I think is just silly. There are five of us, and four of us have been out of the house for years. They’re in NY. I’m in Maine, my sister is in Massachusettes, two of my brothers are married and have kids. At this point, their relationship has, like, zero impact on our lives. My first reaction was "it’s about time!!"
I think it’s really the best thing for both of them, especially my dad, at this point. They were stuck in a place where neither of them could move forward in any way with the other one there. Now they have the room to actually work through the personal things they each have to work through. If they can only be the best people they can be without eachother, then that’s the best thing. If eventually they work through stuff and get back together, fine. I really don’t care that much about the status of their relationship. I’d rather just see each of them happy and healthy.
There is a fictional couple that are the perfect depiction of my parents when they were fighting. The couple from the Shining. (The first one). If you take the baseball bat, the axe, and the homicidal tendencies out of the picture, there you have it- my parents. The similarities are actually pretty amazing! (Of course, in the Shining, Jack is the bad guy, and his wife is innocent- in my parents case, both are equally responsible for their problems). It still makes me laugh when I see it.
It makes me wonder, though... As I’ve gotten older, and since having a family of my own, my parents have seemed more and more transparent to me. What are Richard and I going to seem like when our kids look back at their childhood with us? Which crazy fictional movie-couple are we going to remind them of????